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"LOOK, FOOL— I LOVE YOU."

—the little girl screams (and shouts and sobs), but she's not a little girl anymore, if she's old enough to love you like this.  Love you with her clear, fierce gaze and fists balled at her sides while you're backed against a wall six lonely feet away.  Love you with angry tears rolling down her cheeks like molten everything she's ever wanted which is you, you, oh god, you.

Pan to the sidelines, where her two friends watch and bicker and mock like, "this is love?"

If this is love, then (the two onlookers don't want to be in love, their hands are deliberately not clasped together, their shoulders brushing only because this is now and this is affectionlust but never anything as filthy as love) then things just got a hell of a lot more complicated.

Pan back to our fiery little ball of teary-eyed hoarse-throat honesty (she just feels so much) and watch her take a step forward, she's shaking now, until the two of you are nose-to-nose-to-eye-to-eye, and BOOM everything explodes, reforms, and implodes with a big sucking sound until you're all one big wreck of emotional matter drifting through space like you've had all the time in the world and now you're off to see if the moon really is made of cheese.  

Too bad you're allergic to dairy.
©2008-2009 *wrenwatcher
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Submitted: May 7, 2008
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ugh, so refreshing to write angry.
Daily Deviation, 2008-05-17

Daily DeviationLOOK, FOOL--, by ~wrenwatcher, reminds me of what it was like to 'fall in love' at fifteen. (Featured by `GeneratingHype)

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Devious Comments

Comments


Kicks ass.

Nice write.
I envy your skills (again).
Holy cow.
(if it's not obvious, I love it.)

--
When live gives you lemons, make fanfiction! :heart:

ohoho I'm creative.

READ MAH YURIIIIIIIIII

why do you act so dignified? You were shoved headfirst out of a vagina.
:) Always so much praise. Thank you ♥
:3 praise for a praise-worthy author.
You're welcome.

--
When live gives you lemons, make fanfiction! :heart:

ohoho I'm creative.

READ MAH YURIIIIIIIIII

why do you act so dignified? You were shoved headfirst out of a vagina.
Just a few quick catches:

Pan to the sidelines, where her two friends watch and bicker and mock like, "[T]his is love?"

If this is love, then (the two onlookers don't want to be in love, their hands are deliberately not clasped together, their shoulders brushing only because this is now and this is affectionlust but never anything as filthy as love) [things] just got a hell of a lot more complicated.

(The double 'then' doesn't seem to work as well.)

I really--like this. Haha. That sounds rather weak to say, but it's true. I think it's rushed and harsh and funny and true and sad and happy and almostjustalmost what it's like to 'fall in love' at fifteen. --Or at least the fifteen I remember.

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Suggest a Lit DD today!
Thanks for pointing out the errors, but I think I'll keep them. :)

You've got it pretty much on the dot. Thank you for reading and thank you for liking.
Why would you keep the errors if you've admitted they are errors? That--troubles me.

--
Suggest a Lit DD today!
that is awesomeness!!!


xD

me likey.
I don't mean to butt in, but sometimes, errors aren't necessarily wrong. Sometimes, they can be beautiful. I mean yeah, grammatically it's wrong, but I think for the sake of being fifteen and feeling this torrent of emotions run through your head in a split second...For me, it works perfectly.

Wonderful composition; I love it:)

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